How To Criticize And Still Be Nice
by: Brad Ross

Have you ever encountered an experience when someone told you
how fat you've become?   Maybe your fellow performer has commented on how bad your show was.  Maybe you've heard from other people how audiences view you as cold and unapproachable.
Or maybe a kid at your show told you how beat up or “old” your equipment looked.

Hurts, doesn't it?

Believe it or not, some people can be so tactless that they
are not even aware when they've hurt anyone's feelings.  Kids, although not tactless on purpose are painfully HONEST! The
receiving parties, especially the sensitive ones, would be
offended by their remarks.  This would result in conflicts
and arguments - both outright and to the person as well as internal struggles.

If you make a comment to help someone and offer some constructive criticism, you know you're doing them a big favor by saving them from
shame or disappointment, but would they realize your good
intentions instead of feeling hurt by your brutally frank
comments or advices?

They might probably think you're too rude or impolite.
But what can you do if you really need to assert an honest
criticism, but you're afraid of hurting others' feelings?


All you have to do is sandwich your negative comment between
two positive remarks.

For example, your best friend Paul is going out to do his very first show.  He's all excited and raring to go.  He’s performed infront of your local magic group and at the diner with your magician buddies, but today is Paul’s first PAYING SHOW! 

Now Paul doesn't have any fashion sense.  He's wearing a bland shirt and old jeans.  You know all along how he hates to admit that he's
wrong.  So what will you do to save Paul from an embarrassing
first show in front of a LIVE audience.

Would you say to him that the outfit he's wearing is
repulsive?  That would hurt his ego.

Well, you can first point out the things that you like in his
overall appearance.  Comment on his well-groomed hair.  Tell
him he looks cool when wearing his sunglasses.  Ask him where
he bought his cologne because it’s really important to smell fresh & clean when you arrive at your show.  Be sincere and honest.

Then, insert in a nice and suave manner your point of view
and advice.  You can tell him something like:

"Your shirt seems to be very comfortable to wear, Paul.  Since
this is your very first show, I think with everything else you have to worry about - the audience will be more impressed if you would wear something like the outfit that you wore on my birthday.  You looked very professional, yet approachable when you put on clothes like that."

Afterwards, make another positive statement.  You could say
something like:

"You would definitely make a big impact on the audience - looking polished & like a pro that’s been in the business for years!  The audience is going to love you!  Break - a - leg, Paul."

Do you think Paul would be offended by such pleasant comments?
Not a chance.  You have wittingly inserted a slightly negative
feedback into a plethora of acceptable and ego-boosting
remarks.

People love compliments, especially entertainers. 
They believe they’ve got the qualities…
They just want other people to intensify the great abilities that
they believe to possess.  People wanted to hear their greatness
purported from someone else's mouth, and they would be very
glad if other individuals would know about it.

So, to review:

If you want to criticize anybody, remember to praise him or her
first.  It will leave a positive impression that you're a
nice guy or gal.  Then say what you have to say, but in a smooth
and non-offensive manner.  Finalize with another positive
reinforcement to establish a foundation of goodwill.

-Brad Ross

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